The difficult speech and the motto

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am coming before you today to inform you of a drastic measure," Hannes begins to type. Hannes pauses: "Treten" - that sounds too much like "kicking the bucket" - sounds too dramatic. So, he thinks, better more direct:

"Ladies and gentlemen" - this is probably a bit formal, distant, it shoots through Hannes' head. "Dear employees". Exactly, that expresses appreciation, it's in the mission statement. So: "Dear employees, I'd like to inform you today about a drastic ..." - No, Hannes doesn't like that. "Radical measures" sounds as if we're about to close the company. But we're just relocating to where the markets are. Basically, we're moving closer to the customer. Exactly (!), "customer proximity" is what we actually want. Hannes: "That doesn't sound like downsizing, but rather building up new distribution channels."

"Customer proximity" is actually what we want.

Hannes gets carried away over the keyboard.

"Dear employees.

I am pleased to orient you on our new strategy for greater customer proximity. Bringing distribution channels closer together is the recipe, but it also requires sacrifice." No, "sacrifice" is not an option. Change projects are "opportunities." "We have a unique opportunity to better position ourselves in the market with the realignment." Yeah, that fits. It's supposed to be positive. Nothing about "healthy shrinkage", that would mean that we were "sick-grown" before!

"Focusing on the central core businesses" - yes, that has to go in. "The reasons for these realignments are primarily market influences from low-wage countries." "Market influences " - Hannes deletes the word, it gives the impression of foreign domination. "We are adapting to the technological-demographic change and are an active player in globalization." That's good. Hannes feels that it is right to communicate such glad tidings in person. The speech is to be enriched with a few euphonious adjectives such as "sustainable", "results-oriented", "level-appropriate", "win-win", "optimised ", "lean" and indispensable nouns such as "state-of-the-art", "culture of debate", "food for thought".

If we set a coherent theme, Hannes thinks, the atmosphere this afternoon will top that of the anniversary event. Hannes thinks. "Fit-for-future", that sounds good. Abbreviated to "fi-fo-fu", it seems cosmopolitan with a fitting Asian touch. Hannes has "fi-fofu" skewers in mind as appetizers that not only promote employee cohesion, but also symbolize it. We're all fighting on the same spit, he thought, proud to have found a phrase. He was usually at war with these. We hit with pinpoint accuracy, so that it hurts the other person and the fattest pieces stick. Hannes is convinced that he lands a rhetorical joke. With fish for "fi", foal for "fo" and fox for "fu", he not only finds the right meat ingredients for this culinary-psychological metaphor, but also the symbolic content for the reorientation: fish for adaptation, foal for dynamic, energetic and fast, fox for clever. Hannes is pleased with himself.

Hannes looks at his watch - he still has to order the fish.

The screen now says: "Dear employees. I am pleased to inform you about our new sustainable strategy for more results-oriented customer proximity. We have a unique opportunity to position ourselves in the lean and optimized market with a realignment that is in line with our levels. We are adapting to the technological-demographic change and are an active player in globalization. In doing so, we are increasingly focusing on our strengths and the central core businesses, and with this state-of-theart we are creating a win-win culture that provides us with a culture of permanent food for thought. That's why, true to our new motto 'Fi-Fo- Fu' (fit-for-future), I'm delighted to invite you to fish-foal-and-fox-spit."

Hannes looks at the clock - orientation is about to start and he still has to order the fish. Hopefully the food will be good for everyone.