Hannes takes the minutes
M onday morning, 8.00 am. Hannes is sitting in the office preparing for the management meeting. A weekly ritual. Start at 8.30 a.m., coffee at 10 a.m.. The latter is always spontaneously cancelled due to the overloaded agenda. The meeting officially ends at 11.45 a.m., but never before 12.30 p.m. in fact. That's why Hannes takes a prophylactic coffee and lets his apple crack between his teeth. The apple is new, it used to be cake. Since the internal "fit-for-work" programme, the members of the management select the snacks according to the model approach.
In the middle of his physical and mental preparations, his mobile phone rings - the office number has already been switched to the secretary's office. His boss is looking for him. "Could you take the minutes of the meeting today? Mrs Blatter is ill. Because you have the fewest items on the agenda, I'd like to give you this important task. You know, basically the minute-taker is the most important person - next to the boss." "I'll do that," Hannes returns, slightly grumpy. Reluctantly he thinks to himself: "I have to. 'The most important person' my ass...clumsy flattery." Hannes just doesn't feel like the second most important person in the company right now.
Punctually - as always - everyone greets each other in a friendly manner, and the boss opens with the official funny saying "then let's burst", which has always been the same for years. A short, staged warm-up laughter and everyone sits down - as always - on the same seats. The boss starts: "I would like to welcome you all". Hannes takes notes and stumbles over the word "would like". Why "would like"? He could just do it. Should Hannes now write "declaration of intent" under agenda item 1 "welcome"? He has no time to think about it. He continues briskly with the words "we have a 'sporty' agenda today (this saying is also always the same, as is everyone's calculated laughter).
The sales manager presents the sales figures of the past week. These have been looking lousy for quite some time. His voice was already soaked with more confidence. "Why didn't you step on the gas more?" asks the boss. The sales manager: "The market situation is extraordinary. Meanwhile, the competitors produce almost exclusively in China and have better prices." The production manager slides uneasily back and forth on his chair: "We are already working with costs at the lower limit. I cannot accept that
Hannes makes a sport of counting phrases like "one should" or "one ought to"
we are to blame for the poor sales figures". The boss intervenes and stops the blame game with the words: "We just have to see where we can optimise so that we can be a bit more competitive again in terms of costs. Everyone nods nonverbally and with a muttered "exactly right". Once again, the boss has got to the point. Hannes takes notes diligently, until the expression "one should just..." makes him falter. In his protocol it is now missing who does what until when. Perhaps this statement is also only a declaration of intent.
The agenda is already behind schedule. The boss suggests that, as an exception, the coffee break should be dispensed with. "No problem," echoes from the group. The head of HR suggests that perhaps a full-day meeting could be planned in order to reduce the mountain of unfinished business. "Good idea," is the echo, and the boss specifies, "We should tackle that." Hannes takes notes and considers, "Statement of intent or goal?"
The members of the management team cycle through the business in rapid staccato. Hannes observes how some of them officially take notes on their tablets. When he returns to his office, he will receive emails from his colleagues on the management board, which they wrote in the morning. This can be done well in disguise. Mark the nerd, but write emails.
A few more times Hannes catches himself thinking "statement of intent". He makes a sport of counting phrases like 'one should' or 'one ought' in a personal statistic: Seven times 'one should' and once 'one should'.
After four hours of busy sitting, the boss concludes: "I hope the extra time didn't hurt you". Also always the same saying. It's 12.30 and the boss bids us farewell with the usual exit, "I'd like to thank you very much." It would thus have been the last statement of intent of the morning....
