First aid kit for awkward conversations: Saving sentences in difficult conversational situations

Managers, project managers and salespeople often have to have difficult conversations in their day-to-day work. For example, when a person needs to be given critical feedback. Or to resolve a conflict in a team. Or to conduct a delicate negotiation with a customer.

All of these tasks are always an emotional challenge for those affected. This is because our brain often switches to "fight" or "flight" mode in them. As in a threatening situation, we tend to either flee or attack. This in turn means

• Rational thoughts and considerations take a back seat. And:
• Due to our emotional tension, we are no longer as flexible as usual in formulating good questions and answers that are appropriate to the situation.

Don't lose your head in tricky conversational situations

How do we manage to remain calm and continue to positively influence the dynamic in such stressful situations, into which we fall - sometimes predictably, sometimes unexpectedly? Among other things, by using appropriate, goal-oriented formulations in the conversation. So we should have suitable phrases ready or internalized for such situations.

As a coach and trainer, I am often asked: "Is there a recipe for difficult conversations?" There is no one-size-fits-all solution, because the people involved in such conversations as well as the respective situations and constellations are very different. Nevertheless, many people want tried-and-tested approaches that give them confidence and help them move forward when necessary.

How do I say that? Eight effective sentences

That is why I have listed eight sentences below that have proven their worth in everyday management and work, partly because they are aimed at solving problems in partnership. This is why they are also perceived as empathetic and can be used in a variety of ways. They also help to build trust, reduce tensions and steer conversations in a productive direction.

Sentence 1: "What would be an acceptable solution for you in this situation?"

• Situation: The conversation partner blocks or shows resistance.
• Which is why the sentence helps: We often tend to want to convince other people of our solution and present it as having "no alternative", so to speak. However, pressure usually causes counter-pressure and often generates resistance. This sentence shows that you are prepared to consider the other person's perspective and signals openness. By involving your conversation partner in the solution process, you promote constructive cooperation and create space for joint (new) ideas for solving the problem.

Sentence 2: "Let's pause for a moment: It is important to me that we find a constructive, viable solution together."

• Situation: A conversation threatens to escalate or becomes heated.
• Which is why the sentence helps: This sentence acts as a "stop signal" for an escalating dynamic. It directs the focus to the goal of the conversation and helps to calm the situation. At the same time, it conveys the desire for cooperation.

Sentence 3: "I greatly appreciate you and your work. I would therefore like to address the following point openly."

• Situation: When sensitive issues need to be addressed that could put a strain on the relationship.
• Which is why the sentence helps: This sentence shows that your critical feedback is not based on a lack of appreciation from the other person. By expressing your appreciation first, you create the basis for an open, goal-oriented conversation in which your conversation partner does not feel attacked.

Sentence 4: "I have the feeling that something important is still unspoken. Is that the case and would you like to talk about it?"

• Situation: If you sense that your conversation partner is hesitating or feels uncomfortable.
• Which is why the sentence helps: This sentence creates space for honest communication. It shows that you are also aware of the non-verbal or emotional level of the conversation and are prepared to talk about personal issues such as (diffuse) fears and anxieties, hopes and expectations. This often releases tensions and blockages and leads to a deeper dialog.

Sentence 5: "I would like to make sure that we are both talking about the same thing and mean the same thing. How do you see that?"

• Situation: When it comes to important decisions or potential misunderstandings and diverging interests.
• Which is why the sentence helps: This sentence signals active listening and ensures clarity. Any misunderstandings - for example due to the different position/function - can be recognized and cleared up before they lead to major problems.

Sentence 6: "Let's take a short break to sort out our thoughts and then continue talking calmly, with a clear head."

• Situation: A conversation becomes too emotional or is deadlocked.
• Which is why the sentence helps: A break creates space to collect yourself and calm your emotions. Both sides can then continue with renewed energy and a clear focus. The solution to the problem is not postponed.

Sentence 7: "What would be the ideal next step for you in this situation?"

• Situation: If you want someone to take responsibility and you want to encourage the initiative of the person you are talking to.
• Which is why the sentence helps: This sentence encourages your conversation partner to think actively and make concrete suggestions. The word "step" is particularly helpful here, as it signals an active and goal-oriented movement. It encourages action-oriented thinking instead of getting lost in abstract, vague concepts. This encourages personal responsibility and initiative and clarifies expectations in an actionable way.

Sentence 8: "I understand that this is difficult at the moment. What can we do to make it easier for you?"

• Situation: When the person you are talking to is struggling with a challenge.
• Which is why the sentence helps: Empathy paired with a concrete willingness to help reduces the pressure on the person you are talking to without releasing them from responsibility. The word "we" in the sentence implies that the situation is not being dealt with one-sidedly. It shows that you recognize the challenge as such and are therefore actively offering support. At the same time, it involves the partner in the process and asks them to take (joint) responsibility and look for practicable solutions.

How to use the rescue kits successfully

• Tip 1: Adapt the above example formulations to your style and the respective situation. Authenticity counts!
• Tip 2: Combine the sentences with active listening techniques to further strengthen the dialog.
• Tip 3: Practice makes perfect; think about situations or conversations in which you could try out one of these sentences.

Learning helpful sentence formulations is similar to learning key phrases in a new language.

It often feels unfamiliar at first, but the more often you use the sentences, the more natural they become for you. As with language learning, these "communicative tools" allow you to react flexibly and confidently in challenging situations. And just as with learning a new language, practice and repetition are the keys to success.

To the author:

Sabine Prohaska is the owner of the consulting firm Seminar Consult Prohaska (Vienna), which supports companies in implementing a new learning culture in their organization. She also trains (online) trainers and coaches. She also regularly conducts (online) user workshops for HR professionals on the use of AI in training and personnel development.