The art of successful communication

Those who communicate convincingly will encounter less resistance and achieve their goals more easily. Quality managers in particular know about the power of words! But how can we communicate better?

Emotions determine the course of conversation

Anyone who has an important conversation ahead of them usually prepares their choice of words and conversation strategy in advance, only to find out during the conversation that suddenly everything goes differently. The emotions of the participants in the conversation determine the course of the conversation 99 percent of the time. "Emotions are what make our communication effective in the first place," says Ursula Eberle and distinguishes between three categories of emotions:

• Primary emotions: Sadness, fear, anger, happiness, etc. We show these emotions in the same way, and these can therefore also be read by the other person.
• Emotions controlling the body: are responsible for the chemical and energetic balance and cannot be influenced. An example of this would be blushing.
• Social emotions: Compassion, jealousy, envy, gratitude, dominance, contempt, etc. They control the encounters between people and also communication.

Using physical signals

Emotions are therefore the "operating system" of communication. Already at the beginning of human history, physical signals controlled communication. In early social systems, it had to be clear who was in charge and who followed. "If cave dwellers always had to negotiate who would lead the hunt or who would get the biggest piece of meat, it wouldn't have worked. That's why physical signals were needed to show: 'I am dominant' or 'I consent'. This had to happen at lightning speed and was done through body language and eye contact," says Eberle. Only when these signals are congruent with the communication does this lead to success. The participants experience for themselves in several exercises that the role can be changed depending on the situation.

The role of the voice

The voice also strongly determines which signals you send out. "If I want to say something dominantly, I lower my voice at the end, so I make a full stop. If I want to say the same thing agreeably, I raise my voice, I make a comma at the end," Eberle explains. As a catchy example, she points to the famous phrase from the James Bond movies: "My name is Bond, James Bond." Anyone who wants to communicate in a dominant way takes time before he or she responds. "When I consent, I always have to push to get through. But if I say, 'Listen, you'll get another answer from me,' it has a much bigger impact." Furthermore, body language and eye contact help decide the role. Someone who looks his counterpart in the eye is dominant. Someone who looks away is not trying to provoke. Sometimes it only takes small adjustments in body language to achieve a different effect. It is important to weigh up in which situation it is better to be dominant or consenting. "When I'm new to a group, it doesn't always make sense for me to be dominant right away. But if I want to show authority, I need to do it without being provocative or coming across as harsh and unfriendly. Dominance can be sympathetic or it can be arrogant," Eberle emphasizes. This is equally true of acquiescence, which can be sympathetic or sycophantic. It depends on the difference between the two positions.

The mixture makes the difference

The dominant must also have the courage to put his counterpart through something without always being concerned about a good harmonious mood. Eberle points out that most people are more often in this consenting mode and are not aware of it. "In the process, it also often happens that we temper the dominance mode right back to consenting and thus the effect is lost." The communication expert emphasizes that communication is effective and successful when it succeeds in achieving a good mix between the two modes, and one notices when a change is called for. The book: The Dominance Code is available from improcom Verlag, ISBN 978-3-033-02816-6, or from Ms Eberle personally, www.ursula-eberle.ch