Rules of self-assertion

Prof. Dr. Jens Weidner has been studying the informal rules of the game in business for two decades. He worked with gang thugs in Philadelphia and treated violent offenders for the German judiciary for ten years. Weidner is the inventor of Anti-Aggression Training®, which is now used to treat 2000 aggressors per year in four countries, and he is co-owner of the German Institute for Confrontational Pedagogy. At the same time he teaches as a management trainer at the Schranner Negotiation Institute in Zurich. His area of expertise there is the promotion of assertiveness among managers. He has dedicated himself to this topic in various books published by Campus Verlag: Die Peperoni-Strategie: So nutzen Sie Ihr Aggressionspotenzial konstruktiv / Zu nett für "Aggro"? - One evil action a day keeps the psychiatrist away (Das richtige Maß an Aggression finden) / Optimismus - Warum manche weiter kommen als andere / Hart, aber unfair - Schlagfertiger werden.

Professor Weidner, why do you emphasize this characteristic so much?
Jens Weidner: Because self-assertion - I prefer to speak of assertiveness, which describes more precisely what it is all about - is the prerequisite for turning ideas, projects or innovations from a wish into reality. In short, to let the inevitably given objectives become reality. Whoever has to and wants to achieve something must not have a weak point here. If this is recognizably an open flank, it must be closed. Assertiveness is not to be equated with stupid elbow careerism. In this basic situation, assertiveness is a necessary part of an extraordinarily demanding leadership task. And it has a lot to do with challenging oneself in order to promote oneself. Because to assert oneself, to assert oneself and to train oneself to be assertive also means to overcome oneself again and again in order to become stronger.

You see self-assertion as a muscle that needs to be trained?
That's what it boils down to. I want to illustrate this. The strongest ideas, for example, are by no means always developed by the people who can also commit themselves most strongly to them. Especially since "new" or something thought out beyond the common horizon does not automatically trigger enthusiasm. As Schumpeter is said to have said, progress is creative destruction. That is why it triggers resistance. Anyone who advocates "something new", a different path to a goal or the abandonment of habitual behaviour patterns must therefore not only expect resistance, but must also be able to endure this resistance. Without assertiveness and plug-in qualities, the usual standard phrases remain the winners in this competition: "That's not possible here!"; "We've always done it that way!"; "Don't you have any respect for the traditions of our house?"; "You're still too new here. "You're too new here. Get used to the ways of our house."

That sounds more like self breeding than elbowing!?
Let's not kid ourselves, the line between self-assertion or assertiveness and elbow-room careerism is narrow. But it can be defined, and that is important to me. Positively assertive people who assert themselves in their tasks have learned to fight hard for their ideas and goals, but they do not strive for the destruction of opponents. They also do not aim at the humiliation of inferior opponents. They treat them with respect. They pay attention to fairness and objectivity, to reliability and respectability. Compassion is not a foreign word for them. But - they show moral courage. Even if the satisfaction of egoistic interests is a motivating force, it is not the most important factor in positive self-assertion.

"The only way to be a superhero is to think of yourself as super."

foreground. What only brings advantages to one person and disadvantages to others, we know only too well as careerist action. And we also know its consequences. Serious self-assertion pursues other goals and follows other basic principles: not to let oneself be played up against the wall; not to let the reins of action be taken out of one's hands; not to be fooled; not to let oneself be taken advantage of, to defend oneself against attacks and to better put forward one's own point of view. And it is not that easy to achieve this.

How does it work?
From the optimism research we know the beautiful sentence: Only the one becomes a super-hero, who also believes himself to be super. Scientifically, this is called the Above Average Effect. If you want to assert yourself, you need self-confidence. Because one thing is clear: anyone who suddenly starts to position themselves better, to make demands louder, to contradict and to "bitch around" in the eyes of others will meet with resistance from the established. And, of course, plenty of criticism. The intellectual sleight of hand of the optimists proves to be helpful on this dry spell: explain positive events to yourself in such a way that they have permanently existing causes and can therefore always occur again. Assume

In contrast, they attribute temporary and specific causes to their failures. After all, the idea of success is that mistakes are temporary, situational, and not entirely and exclusively self-inflicted. Above all: Cultivate your Above Hail Effect, i.e. the effect of believing yourself to be above average in your professional and private life - without overestimating yourself and without making a big show of it! What sounds unpleasantly narcissistic at first glance, turns out to be a necessary basis for the development of self-confidence at second glance. After all, the greatest danger for its development lies in thinking of oneself as a notorious underdog. If you are small in your own eyes, you cannot be big in the eyes of others. Self-confidence requires belief in oneself. Those who constantly pull this basis for action out from under their own feet should not be surprised when others do the same and there is no sign of assertiveness far and wide!

Will self-assertion be secured?
With questions! People with a sense of what self-assertion requires, check their standing and their actions again and again on the basis of the following questions: From where could potential trouble threaten? What could possibly harm me? Which developments pose a threat to my self-assertion? They are on their guard and follow a superficially pessimistic image of man. And they measure their counterparts not by their words, but by their deeds. Did they help me in a difficult situation? Or did they leave me standing in the rain? Assertiveness is based on three important success factors: 1. speed, in order to astonish the counterpart with one's own dynamics and to let potential opponents run into the void. 2. to be patient and to bring mo-mentally unsolvable issues to a solution on the time line. 3. to call current problems and future problems by their names in private in a subdued tone (so that no loss of face occurs), without regard to misunderstood harmonies. With this awareness background you are excellently positioned!

What is detrimental to self-assertion?
First and foremost, there are nonsensical tests of strength, even if they are actually announced. Under no circumstances should you instigate such a thing. The entry into a combative confrontation should only take place when the chance of winning is 51 percent to 49 percent. If the chances of success are lower, the danger of self-harm is too great. This only costs energy, time, often also harms the actual task and, to the unfortunate end, also causes damage to one's reputation. Those who are not able to assess potential problem situations correctly are hardly capable of asserting themselves and are not masters of self-assertion. It is also essential to keep your distance from constant complainers and thinkers. Getting involved with such contemporaries conjures up the danger of being associated with their negative qualities sooner or later. Involving them and giving them encouragement does not help them out of their unhappy and demotivating role, but it does harm them.
but it detracts from the company's own image.